- Héctor A. Venegas
Communication starts in your head.
Our brain is wonderful and mysterious organ. It is working all the time, day and night. We cannot stop it from thinking a million thoughts…
…well that is not exactly true. Researchers estimate that we think about 50.000 to 70.000 thoughts per day.
Some of them are neutral to our behavior and our communication, most of them though define how we interact with others and how we feel. They have an immediate impact on the way we communicate with ourselves and with others.
When the same researchers tell us, that about 80% of the thoughts we have are negative, that's a very scary number!
This means that we invest about 80% of our thought potential in telling us, that we are not smart enough, not good enough, not thin enough, not handsome enough, that the girl of our dreams out of our league, that we don't deserve her….
This has a huge negative impact on our lives. We are sabotaging ourselves.
It has an impact on our dreams, our desires and our health and most and for all on our self-esteem.
We will be more likely to be unsatisfied with our lives, our health will suffer, our body language will show our lack of self-esteem and as a result we will be more unproductive, have less success and not get up and talk the girl of our dreams.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy!
But how can we prevent ourselves from negative self-talk, or turn this into more positive talk?
That unfortunately, as always, is the hardest part and takes a lot of practice.
We have to start by listening carefully to what we are saying to ourselves.
Listen, reflect, challenge it and turn it towards something more positive.
We tend to generalize, when we judge a behavior, be it ours or the one from others.
When we realize a failure, we tell ourselves that it had to happen, because it ALWAYS happens to us. We NEVER are the ones that are lucky, we should have known before, why did we think we could pull this through, we suck…
If you think about these statements, most probably you can immediately realize that they are not true. Of course, we are not perfect, who wants to be?? We do great things and sometimes we screw up. Dust yourself off and try again! Like the late Aaliyah sang.
Turning a bad experience into something that was predictable, was something that YOU were not able to pull off, because of reasons that are in YOUR nature, is a thought that will keep you from trying again.
So, if you catch yourself having those negative thoughts, analyze. What could you have done differently, what went wrong, want was good, what went well? Learn!
Put the positive and negative elements on a scale and most probably it will be in balance.
If so, you will realize that by changing the negative elements, you might have a great result.
Work on that.
Everything of course depends on your upbringing, your attitude and the world around you.
At the time now, watching the news won’t get you a lot of positive thoughts.
Go out, if you can, and watch people, smile at them and take every smile back in.
Do something good for someone else, without expecting something in return.
That will get you into a positive mindset, which will trigger positive thoughts and encourage positive self-talk.
I can tell you from my perspective, it is a real hard work to make that shift to positivity happen.
I have failed many times. In the last couple of months, I have had a really hard time, like many of us have. Shifting my self-talk to a more positive one has given me strength, energy, self-esteem and a positive attitude and it shows. The reaction I get from my students, clients, colleagues and friends shows that it has an impact.
I am great!
I am smart!
I am good!
I am good looking!
And so are you!
Try it! You will see how it works!
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